The Anecdote

Thu, 10 Aug 2006 21:11:22 GMT

It's sticky and wet here. It rains harder.
I like seeing all of the green liscence plates. I don't know how I am going to end up spending my time here. Right now I am watching Dr. Phil and it makes me think of marcia. The other day we were both watching the tony danza show at the same time without knowing it, and called eachother to share in the joke of tony's parrot, who seemed much bereaved and embarrased to be hosting a show with such a has been. Since Darlene has left, my dad's house is just a little more disappointing than it would normally be. There is a lot of chocolate, frozen pizza and cherrios. I will live on Vermont sweet corn. Krista has moved out of her mom's house and is living with her grams. I haven't seen either of them yet, but krista says she hates her mother. In a few hours krista is going to pick me up to go into burlington. Jeff, thank you for the ride to the airport. Marcia, I'll call you today or tomorrow to figure out that Lj stuff.

Sun, 30 Jul 2006 01:49:28 GMT

I don't think I've updated this all summer. I registered for classes the other day in eugene. Jeff and I stole an ash tray from the Best western, he pretended to be my father at introDUCKtion and I skipped most of the supposedly mandatory activities. What a weird purgatory I seem to be wallowing in as I wait for the coming fall. Though it has been largely enjoyable with both responsible fun and wreckless mistakes, it has mostly symbolized preparation and restlessness. Last night a few people got MIPs when the cops showed up at michael zimmers house. Luckily, I was already sound asleep in the other room. Today I went to the Chinese Gardens with Jake. we played hide and seek and drank tea and talked about who we would be if we could be someone else for a day. We ran into a man named koran who, after feeling uneasy and intimidated, we gave five bucks and a bus ticket. He had a tear drop tattoo and at the end he asked if we remembered his name. I forgot, though I will never forget again. Luckily, Jake new. Now that I have cleaned my room, done some laundary, and watched too many episodes of a show whose name I will not admit to, I will go out again tonight. Hopefully I will enjoy myself the way I did at the begining of Junior year, well aware that I was going to be stuck in a catholic school for a long time and appreciative of the new friends I had made. I wonder how everyone elses' senior summer is going. as good as we always fantasized? I would be very surprised.

Summer in a list:
Renting a hotel room under my name for the first time.
A surprise party for jake
So you think you can dance (dance, dance...)
That other unmentionable TV show
An attempted climb to the tallest radio tower in portland ending in getting caught in razor wire.
Stealing fireworks and a hack saw
baking
sleeping in jakes car every weekend for a month
Parties...they are all about the same.

My classes:
anthropological biology
Human Behavior
Issues and problems in education'
Psych

I entered the school with 24 credits.

Sat, 20 May 2006 18:14:00 GMT

Life is fragile.
Drugs are bad.
People are unkind.
Women are needy.
Absolut is bug repellent.
Ice is cold.
Work is Work.
Nothing is forever.
nothing IS forever.
Change is good.
Doubt is sad.
Friends are disloyal.
Lovers are weapons.
Cushions are for wrestling.
Laundry rooms are for crying.
Allergies are tears.
Judgement is lost.
dancing is life.
Poems are pretentios.
But Nicole is hungover.

Mon, 01 May 2006 03:03:39 GMT

LOLA IS DEAD.

Sun, 16 Apr 2006 22:01:44 GMT

Advanced
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Sun, 16 Apr 2006 20:32:12 GMT

You are a
Social Liberal
(75% permissive)

and an...
Economic Liberal
(20% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Socialist

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Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Sun, 16 Apr 2006 20:01:26 GMT

Bryan's:
The Cars, Journey, Margaritas, forty-fists, Sophie and Mirek, Jj and Emily, Hooka, ping pong, dancing, kissing, lauren, sophie, emily, andrea, and jen. writing on bodies with sharpie, jake in his sweater.

When my kids ask me what high school was like, and I try to recollect with the dim light of elapsed time, what will stand out (made barely visible, and its image a little mishapen and blurry because of retrospection's idealism) are nights like these, like st. patrick's day's dance party, too.

You must pay for everything. I'm paying for last night- nausea, headaches, my thighs are sore from dancing, my lips are red from kissing...and I'm at work. These are my grievances: obnoxious commercials, towels that smell like cooter, flickering florescent lights, fruit flies, hamburger grease, bleach that smells like cum, and the sour film on my teeth.

But I'm not complaining. It could be worse, we could have customers. There is a lot to be grateful for. I'm not going to worry about next year anymore. And now is the time to appreciate the friends in your life, especially those that you can probably guarentee won't be there much longer.

Who's going to U of O?
Who wants to start a garden? (Did I mention that they don't let you have toasters or microwaves in the dorms and that your meal plan only covers pop tarts and other processed foods)?

My grandfather is being confirmed catholic today. He married a catholic woman a decade or two ago and he has always stayed home on sundays when she went to church. so why? I should ask him today. It is a funny situation: they married and had three kids. The oldest is younger than me. My grandfather has had two generations of kids! That's so many: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9!

I want to thank the hopeful people. the people that think they can change things they don't like in the world (or at la salle) rather than complaining about it everyday and doing nothing about it. I want everyone to stop complaining. Common. It's not that bad. Besides, how are you going to be happy when you are thinking so negatively, and infesting everyone else with that negativity?

Fri, 24 Mar 2006 04:50:56 GMT

When I was a sophomore at la Salle, I went to a 4th of July party at Tom Moser's house during the summer. There, matt nixon and I had a moment of bonding concerning his leaving la salle and my beginning it. His adamant advise to me was to get to know as many people as I can, be unprejudice, and not to take the time I have for granted. He seemed a little regretful for maybe feeling like he hadn't done this as much as he could. Easier said than done. I've met a lot of people at la salle, changed a lot, stayed firmly the same a lot, experienced a lot...but the potential for meeting new people far exceeds your ability when the cosntraints of time, energy, and intentions are at play. 51 days. I find out in 3 and a half hours if I got into Claremont McKenna. It's funny how part of being an adult is learning how to take responsibility for your actions, when your parents can't stop making excuses for their own mistakes. Let me brainstorm:
1. It's hard...The password didn't work, so I had to apply for a new one
2. After I got the new one I went to Hawaii and didn't work on it at all so it expired.
3. I put in my information under stuident information. (Yes, even though you filled out the student part for me)
4. It's too hard.
5. How am I supposed to do it if I havn't filed my taxes yet?
6. Well I heard that we probably won't get any financial aid anyway so why bother filling it out?
7. I'm doing the best I can and I'm sorry if that's not good enough.
8. You should be grateful for the opportunity to go to college anyway.
9. You didn't nag me enough.
10. I asked you sophomore year if you were going to have all this figured out and you said yes.
11. I doubt your dad has filled it out yet.
12. Ms. Kralj said that I wouldn't get any money anyway.
13. U of O is a good school.

It makes me sad that my parents can't do something for me because they know how importand it is to me, that they can't just say "Yeah, i'm sorry, this shit is wack". At the same time, I don't need to go to a $40,000 school next year. I could be happy doing a lot of things. Despite the Lasallian philosophy, there is life for people who don't go to college at all! So I think it is a little easier to be in the moment and take matt's advice when it's too fucked up to think about the future anyway. But there are still people I would like to get to know. I believe that not only do you have to love the people in your life, but you have to be in love with them.

I never go home. Mrs. Stuhrman was like, which parent do you talk to more? and I really havn't talked to either of my parents for like a year. I wish I could appreciate them more now, but it doesn't seem like I can.

And, to settle the issue, mr dreisbach: What gives absolute Truth meaning are the different perspectives of the people who interpret it (like reality). These different perspectives are inherently subjective truths. (When you show a group of kids a picture, they will each describe it differently). Even if every different person sees has the same reality they wouldn't be able to express that because words are symbols that change reality's meaning. Therefore, subjective truth leads to (and gives meaning to) the objective Truth.

Fractals.
So, anyway, I want toget to know you,
you wanna hang out?

Sun, 05 Feb 2006 00:44:53 GMT

Mongooses are monogynous. When their mate dies, they will never mate again.

In a lot of Shakespeare I've read, secrets and lies lead to tragic folly/ utter hilarity. In Oedipus the King, the truth of a scenario is evidenced by mythical (but reliable) prophets, and yet the characters involved are subject to the same fate. We need not only communication and truth, but an interpretation of this truth that is not polluted by pride or fear.

I can't believe, after two and a half years, and after hundreds of missed opportunities, it finally happened. But I can rejoice.

Shopping List:
Bike
Car Cleaner
Powell's Nalgene Bottle
New Bag
Journal (present)
New comforter
Socks
Flip Flops

Thanks to lots of people for lots of things.

My parents are going to Hawaii for a week, in a week.
The following week I will be in Tijuana.
The Following week I might start hearing back from colleges.
I really try to appreciate everything I can in the present, look forward to small things and be content. After all, it's already half over.

And I like Virginia Wolf. A lot. So there.

Sat, 10 Dec 2005 10:24:36 GMT

Eskimos have five words for snow, and the Aztecs had only one for rain, snow, and sleet.

The less life is experienced as a captivity, the less the soul will be able to see the shining of that veiled, mysterious light.

God likes to play hide and seek, but because there is nothing outside of God, he has no one but himself to play with. But he gets over his difficulty by pretending that he is not himself. This is his way of hiding from himself. He pretends that he is you and I and all the people in the world, all the animals, all the plants, all the rocks, and the stars. When God plays hide and seek and pretends that he is you and I, he does it so well that it takes him a long time to remember where and how he hid himself. That is why it is so difficult for you and I to find out that we are God in disguise, pretending not to be himself.

Genuine Love comes from knowledge, not from a sense of duty or guilt.

There is no on without off, no up without down. Every sound is actually sound/ silence. "opposites" are only the poles of the same thing.

And with that,
I guess this is partly a tribute to Erik Haliday

Fri, 18 Nov 2005 03:32:53 GMT

And don't read back over this for a long time.

there

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 20:16:24 GMT

The Love Triangle:

Pitzer loves me, I love Pomona, and Pomona does not "love" because it is an institution, and they don't "love", and it exists above the plane of human understanding.

Everything here is gorgeous. I wish I could appreciate the beauty of other things as easily as I can college.

My interviews went really well. Pitzer wants my body. The interviewer seemed to say that I embody everything that they stand for. At Pomona I was interviewed by a senior, and I felt that it was harder than if I had been interviewed by an adult. She said that I seemed really passionate, that Pomona has everything I want, and that I have pretty good chances of getting in, depending on this years' applicants. they accept 400 of about 1000 applications.

Scripps is beautiful.

santa monica boulevard

Sat, 12 Nov 2005 09:53:04 GMT

you cant expect someone to appreciate you for things that they haven't experienced a lack for in their life.

You can't expect people to help you if they don't care about the success of what you are doing.

There are people who are actually saints in their sentiment, but their execution makes them look like pervs.

Thu, 03 Nov 2005 19:24:50 GMT

I DO NOT GIVE FACULTY PERMISSION TO READ THIS LIVEJOURNAL.

Sat, 15 Oct 2005 05:29:27 GMT

Hey everybody!
Helen, how have you been? We hung out all the time, school started and BAM! Helen's gone! Let's study, at least. But really, let's play.
Jeff Barnwell, hey, wanna hang out sometime?
Hayley, (I don't know how to spell your name) Fast Times at Timothy Lake, eh? Do you still want to get together and do senior pics? I understand if you're busy. Either way, we should kick it. I heard they're remodeling your house instead of moving into Dan's. That's quite a victory! Old houses are way cooler.
Andrew Foreman, I was thinking about applying to Macalaster and I was wondering how you were liking it. I don't think I am going to have an opportunity to visit it and I was a little hesitant about Minnesota! I heard they have tunnels so that when it snows students can get from their dorms to their classes.
Katlyn Bodie, I have no idea how to put together an agenda. Maybe you have some tips?
Amanda, so i've missed the last two PSU classes because of cross country, what have you guys been doing?

So on Wednesday, October 12, I ran a 4.5K in 22:48. I was third in the overall JV race. I don't think I have ever felt so proud of myself. I was on the verge of quitting. I skipped practice that week, smoked a cigarette, fudged practice. Now I am doing varsity practices. Running has always been about personal control for me, spirituality, healthiness, whatever. I mean, I haven't been competitive with others like with myself. I'm not particularly good at it, so that it what is has had to be. Damn! that felt good! Damn!

I don't give much of a shit about grades this year. I expect to get no more than two B's, but that is just what mr. Dreisbach does to you. I know that that class is going to fuck up a lot of people's GPA's but it'll be sooo worth it.

I went to Open Mic on Thurday and mr. Redding was sitting at the admissions table. I went over to get a couple cookies. He said "Hi, Nicole" in that weird way that he does. 1. He was the first religion teacher of my first religion class ever. 2. He gave me an award of accomendation for Justice Law for no reason that I could see other than he couldn't give it to me for religion and he just wanted to give an award to someone other than Megan Cox. 3. He Remembered my name from Sophomore year. I guess that's not too exceptional, but it seemed really cool at the time. I just wanted to sit down and ask him about his life! I think teachers have amazing lives. I love Ms. Grigsby. Or maybe I just love her because she teaches me. Maybe I just love to be taught and to learn.

Mon, 15 Aug 2005 02:01:51 GMT

Well, this is the last day away.
Northeastern looks like a great school. I would be able to spend whole semesters working in my field of study anywhere I felt like.
I could have a dual major in linguistics and psychology or lingustics and english.
I'm ready to start school again. Maybe the classes won't be so bad. I have sixth lunch. Does anyone else have fucking sixth? and what will I do without my Andrea? Andrea, I love you. You are strong and beautiful and I really am lucky to have met you.
I want flowers. I've never wanted something like that before...from a guy.
Ishmael isn't as good as The Story of B and Love in the Time of Cholera didn't have a thesis, at least not anything founded in the realm of realism. Maybe women should write love stories.
I don't see why in and out burger is so great.
Amusement parks are ironic and depressing.
Some art is too ambiguous.
Some white wine is good.
My Super Sweet Sixteen is shameless.
"I love you I love you I love I love you is that ok" is a nice song to sing to.
The people who experience the most earth shaking depression are more apt to see things more beautifully when they feel better.
Your brother is always your brother.

Sun, 14 Aug 2005 03:35:39 GMT

I just saw Charlie and The Chocolate Factory on the IMAX screen. It was amazing.

In Vermont, I saw Me, You and Everyone We Know with Krista, not realizing that it actually took place in Portland until they talked about Burnside and Laurelhurst Park. And it looked really familiar. And it was really nice to see when I was so homesick, and it was even a surprise!

Mon, 25 Jul 2005 04:39:14 GMT

I've realized that the reason some people aren't ruled by potential vices are because their parents enforce upon them a lifestyle that makes drinking a priveledge and a rebellion. Once you have the freedom to choose your lifestyle, to drink and drag off cigarettes, the actions you have chosen as youthful rebellions have been stigmatized so long as such that the meaning in your life for mind altering substances will forever be enigmatic, a guilty pleasure or a confrontation to any advice from a maybe condescendingly authoritive voice - an activity engaged in with the prewequisit of self knowledge and responsibility.

And of freedom- driving a fast car in the country with that song, maybe speeding a little and screaming the lyrics "She grew up in an indiana town, had a good looking mama, never was around, but she grew up tall and she grew up right with some indiana boys on an indiana night" and all the time thinking that because you are getting awar from something that you are getting to something that means something more. Of course, this moment, with your engine revving and the stereo shaking the glass in your rear view mirror, is singular and stands alone in this universe of all space and time. In this moment, with your sunglasses on and the wind beating against your ears in a way that weould give you a headache on any other day, the light of the sun is at a specific angle, with specific dimensions and you know it is gleaming off your watch or necklace in a way that adds to this vision the glamous of knowing that everything can't happen but anything will. Let this drive be like all other drives. Appreciate the freedom you have earned, the life you have learned. Let this drive remind you of the power you have when you know that there are a million things that you can do tomorrow, and the responsibility you have to know that you will only let the right things happen ( and if not the right things, the things you will know were wrong things when you think about it). so while you are driving "into the sunset", as they say, or into your independence know that just because you are driving away from something, you are not necessarily going toward something better.

Unless you take what comes at you without hope or fear. Unless you can take with you from the place you left the lessongs that youve learned and a little awareness of the responsibility that is expected of you by those who have raised you. Those rebellions of drinking and mind altering substances, if that is what they are for you, can no longer be so. You're free. So what are they? Hopefully not a lifestyle.

Happy Birthday Michael Lynch. Grow up right.

Bolton Valley, Vermont 3:56 PM EST

Tue, 19 Jul 2005 20:01:41 GMT

I can never remember it being hotter than this. All you want to do is sleep but even laying still won't stop you from gathering a sweat. It's humid. I've actually been sleeping for like twelve hours. On my first flight when I woke up a little I couldn't tell if we had taken off yet. (we were flying over the Great Lakes). When the heat is this distracting it is all you can think about, and maybe it's good not having to think about other things.

Wed, 22 Jun 2005 23:17:38 GMT

Shit Happens.

Everybody wants to feel special to everyone else.

Sometimes want to be an exception to social rules and defined relationships.

My name is Peace this is my hour. Can I get just a little bit of power?

Don't burn bridges.

But jesus christ think it out.

Oh, and try to be sober for this part.

Mon, 30 May 2005 02:21:29 GMT

Isn't it funny how in Zimbabwe, the country who has the best literacy rate of Afric at 90% while it also has one of the highest AIDs rate of 34%?

Clearly education isn't the pivotal solution that we all have hoped. To fix a problem you must go to its source:Robert Mugabe.

The infrastructure of every political system, every mechanical process is made up of those human traits that are tirelessly exploited in soap operas: love, hope, jealousy, the fight for an ideal. The intimidating regimes of unjust leaders are made up of people with pity and remorse. In Carnegie's steel factories were people working for self-preservation- the american dream, as I see it. What this means is that every seemingly indestructable, intimidating identity has the same vulnerabilities of a single man: hubris. The hubris of Jason of Hercules, or Caesar, the owner man and the tenant, President Hoover and Tom Joad, John F. Kennedy and Clay Shaw, the victim and the villain. What this means is that democracy (not G. W. Bush's democracy, but the democracy of Jefferson and Calhoun, and Adams and Paine) is somewhat of a philosophical truth. There is always a weakness.

-im not talking about the spread of democracy, the threat of communism or Sadaam. Just of the idea of the Visible community of tolerant saints, of the Movement for Democratic Change in Zimbabwe. Just an idea some people had. hot the hundred different interpretations, demonstrations, assassinations and genocides enacted in its name. where we try to put these abstractions into action is where we all fuck up.

Bend, OR

Sun, 29 May 2005 01:50:55 GMT

I just witnessed one of the greatest things I have seen in my life. On top of this big hill, in this big house, across the stone patio you can see the whole skyline. To the right is the mountain laced with gold like tweak in weed. To the left, and somewhere close to the middle the gold and the dark blue of far away rain mix. The clouds are so low that you can see the impalpable, though incredible textured ridges of its swelling belly. Past this it opens up in a circle, looking as if god stuck the mouth of a vacuum to his rug. from this pours a storm, whose rain only looks like whispy, blue baby hair from where I am. The lightning is intense and repetitive but the thunder is muted, the weather expressing solemnity and communicating it better than could any human triumph or defeat. And as the world seems to be coming to an end, and the horizon of plue mountains in the distance stretches closer, I realize I am in Bend, Oregon where my grandfather is dying of lung cancer and smoking a cigarette in the living room. Sometimes he will cough and by the way we all look away I think we expect to find pieces of his lungs in the mucus. And then I realize that it is my birthday and that I never wanted to be older than 16- there is no cancer at 16, no oesteoperosis, no crippling arthritis, no beer bellies, no life-changing regrets, no missed chances, no wrinkles, no wrinkle cream, no parties in which you are expected to contain your spirit in that realm of sophistication that permits only recycled phrases and insincere compliments on taste and style, no taxes, no mortgage or lease, no bills, no sagging ass cheeks, no hesitation for chatting with people you dont know, know regard for cordiality and traditions but the foraging of new traditions, but the foutain of youth, subjects by which you are eternally entertained, intellectualism, progressivism, activism, idealism, romanticism, drunken stupors, the value of adventure over sleep, of love over sleep, fighting for fun, clear and defined enemies- Us vs the po-po, the coppers, the pigs, the farvas, the inexaughstible excitement in books, and movies and papers.

I don't want to become Mr. Stiff.

And I am going off to neverland.

p.s. not michael jackson's, peter pan's.

Mon, 28 Feb 2005 15:20:40 GMT

I was looking at a bottle of soap/exfoliant that I hjave in the shower. It is empty to I thought maybe it is my responsibility to throw it in the trash. But how does it become trash? It is still just as colorful, the marketing of the product and the design on the bottle makes you think it is alive so how can it become trash? Once I put it in the trash next to the shower, someone would empty that into the big trash. and then take that to the dump and one day there would be this very colorful alive bottle of soap/exfoliant sitting among ruins but would it be trash?

It is still in my shower. I can't throw it away.

Sat, 26 Feb 2005 18:21:30 GMT

So I definately locked my keys in my car twice in one day. And now I am stuck at home.
pooh.

"bewa" constrictors

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 21:48:15 GMT

I wish I could explain.
To take up where I left off: Andrea and I were headed to the beach and then we got in an accident and I feel aweful for Lucid. We bought a crow bar and tugged at the metal that was scratching at her tires when we turn and headed home. I guess Katelyn Bodie said she had a dream that andrea and I got into an accident and died. The beach is cursed. After I went to mireks and Rafik and I had a great time. we showed off our rock-hopping skills on a piece of wire and just chattered it up. Then it was sunday....I went through a car wash. you dont even know. I cannot explain. Park...chinese food..car wash...naps...and then some how peters....NUMA NUMA. Ross was really drunk and the whole scene was really fucking hilarious. Danny thought he was about to die. Rose got sad. Rafik and elizabeth. my night turned into helping people vomit and keeping ross' keys away from him. It was chill. Im not complaining. And other things....I got really comfortable. Woke up. cudddle. deal with the 1/2 bottle of wine that spilled in my car. watch american beauty at michaels. Home. clean the windows. vacuum. not really what you want to do on a day like this. But sometimes there is just so much beauty in the world, I dont know that I can take it.